by – Kai, lead somatic sexologist
I masturbate, you masturbate we all masturbate. If you don’t masturbate then I would love to hear from you. A masturbation study conducted in Australia suggests that men masturbate more than woman. Men at 72% compared to woman at 42%.1 I would suspect that these percentages are in fact higher, and do not reflect the true/broad representation of masturbatory population/habits of everyone. It’s a snapshot. It says we masturbate in Australia – hooray for that.
Most people aren’t aware that we start feeling and exploring our genitals when we are inside the womb – who would have thought. So masturbation is pivotal in our sexual wellness and development.
As a child, my awareness, or earliest recollection of my penis was around the age of five. I was as fascinated by my penis then as I am now. Earlier on, I never had much of a goal except that playing and twirling my foreskin just felt pleasurable, and came naturally to me.
At some point as a teenager that pleasure turned into one of the most peak erotic experiences of my life. Vividly I recall I had been playing with my penis for sometime when intense rhythmical contractions occurred – wave after wave exploding into orgasmic bliss. Although back then I had no idea what an orgasm was, or even the nomenclature for it. Like most male teenagers this new experience became a hot source of constant ecstatic and erotic pleasure mixed with teenage hormonal driven fantasies.
Over the years and into early adulthood masturbation became habitual. It was something I just did, without much thought or consideration as to why. A routine that started from a few times a day to everyday then every couple of days, and now well it’s just all over the place. For a long time though I have observed my erotic energy as a series of cycles, as I have gotten older every three to four days I hit the peak of horniness and have a need to masturbate. Now don’t worry if you’re reading this and you masturbate more or less frequently, it doesn’t matter – everybody is different.
This is aimed at men: “When might your masturbation habits become a concern? Just because you can masturbate two/three times a day does it mean you need to? What pleasure do you get when masturbation becomes habitual? I think this is the key question here. If you no longer enjoy it, or just doing it because that’s what “you do” (your horny have to cum and get off) then this might be a reason to think about masturbation differently. I am not saying a quick jerk off can’t be fun. Just, sometimes a jerk off can lose its relevancy in life in terms of pleasure and embodiment.”
My masturbation habits changed when I introduced myself to mindful masturbation practices. I have been performing such practices for quite sometime. Masturbating for me now is now embodied. I have a deeper connection with my erotic being and it’s no longer just a “wank”. Breath work for me is important during my masturbation. I can ride waves of pleasure for hours through awareness of my whole body, and not primarily focus on my penis. My masturbatory experiences are part of who I am as a human. I use masturbation to help get in touch with my mind and body. In-fact by changing the way I think about masturbation I have changed the way I experience my inner self and life all together.
Gestual explorer by Miguel Andrés captures self exploration – which are the foundations for mindful masturbation. He’s naked and intimate with himself. He is exploring his mind-body through touch, movement, emotion and imagination. If you want to learn more about mindful masturbation, breath work or any of the concepts consider making an appointment.
- Richters J. de Visser R. Badcock P. et al. Masturbation, paying for sex, and other sexual activities: the second Australian study of health and relationships. Sexual Health.2014;11(5):461-471.