by – Kai, lead somatic sexologist
Some clients who come and see want to talk about the disconnections with their partner. Disconnection can be a common theme in many relationships, and society for that matter. Problems with sex, emotional intimacy/mindfulness and poor communication are situations in what I refer to as a “sexual emergency”. That is, these issues can easily fester and lead to emotional damage with ongoing sexual dissatisfaction if not dealt with. There is no doubt that healthy sexual experiences are at the heart of our relationships. However sexual problems are also at the heart of relationship failure. So, dealing with these matters are of great importance and the reason I refer to them as emergencies. Not all sexual emergencies require a trip to the Hospital. A little First Aid will do – open communication and mindfulness works really well in these situations.
There are a multitude of reasons that sexual problems occur in relationships (loss of libido – not feeling horny, depression, work-life balance, tiredness, children, surgery, complex genital pain, lack of spontaneity, sexual fantasy and desires not being fore filled) the list is endless.
Some sexual obstacles are easy to work on. Some are complex that demand time and patience to work through. Both situations require someone like myself to talk to. Often, the sexual disconnection relates to communication. Some people find it hard to discuss sexual issues without feeling shame, embarrassment, blame or fault. It’s important if you are having a sexual emergency not to go it alone or leave it. Often most people are unable to talk with close friends about these issues.
So, what can you do about the sexual dilemmas in your relationship? Please come and talk with me. I offer non-judgemental and impartial advice to help navigate your situation.
Remember sexual hurdles aren’t really-hurdles at all. They’re welcome challenges that will help you grow.