by – Kai, lead somatic sexologist
Some men have penis dysmorphia. It’s a term I use when a man has a negative preoccupation with the size and shape of his genitals. He might not find his penis aesthetically pleasing/ugly with a distorted view. He may even suffer from performance anxiety due to such thoughts about his penis. A man can be shy/embarrassed and not want explore his penis with a sexual partner. This can be confronting. I consider penis dysmorphia similar to body dysmorphia. Penis dysmorphia can also be part of generalised body dysmorphia.
Nature has given men genitals in all shapes and sizes. No penis is the same. I would suspect us men have conditioned ourselves over time into thinking the standard penis size resembles a porn stars penis (what I call porn star syndrome). When realistically if we were to compare each others dicks you would notice that all penises are unique. Naturally a man’s penis can be shrivelled, erect, small, wide, long, skinny, micro, big, massive, or horse like, knobby, pointy, arrow like you may even see the shape of a helmet. It is the same for balls – some small, some medium, some large, more egg shape, some round or just dingly dangling around. Some penises are veiny, others not. Some are purple, red, blushed, dark, black, white.
Its perfectly OK to envy another man’s genitals. There is beauty everywhere in this world including our own bodies and genitals. Its natural to be curious about other peoples genitals. We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t. Comparing your penis and thinking another man has a better penis than you? Well that is not being mindful of your own beauty.
So tell me a story about your penis? One of the most profound experiences of my life was when I shared my own penis for educational purposes to a large audience. I have also shown my bits to a small group of men. Its amazing the impact this has on people and the discussions that take place. Curiosity sets in, what parts of your penis feel pleasurable? What issues have you had with your penis? Oh… I didn’t know that a penis can look like that! Why am I telling you this? Because the small group of men that I discussed my penis with also talked about there penises and how they felt. Some powerful conversations happened that day. Check out (My Penis and I) below a documentary about a man and his small penis and how he reflects on his masculinity and penis size over the span of his life.
Shaming a man’s genitals is not cool. Shaming your own genitals is not on. Overcoming penis dysmorphia requires a little help about how you think of your genitals. I would suggest not enough men have conversations about there cocks. More men need to be having the conversation about their genitals. Many men grow up with taboo around genitals. Such conversations for men can lead to a sense of shame. We all live in the 21st century now and need to move forward in our way of thinking. Now I am not saying go drop your dacks in front of everyone. But next time your having a passing conversation with your mate about wangs, dicks, cocks, balls. Or not so passing conversation. Be curious and respectful and have the conversation: “mate I read this article on penis dysmorphia… have you ever seen another man’s cock before? ”.
The solution? Feel good about your penis and body. Talk about it. Or explore sexological bodywork to overcome your penis dysmorphia. Its certainly not healthy to be thinking your penis is ugly. Sexological bodywork can have a significant impact in helping men overcome the distortion of their genitals, anxiety and embarrassment. Please contact me if you need help overcoming this.
Thanks for reading – happy penises everyone.